So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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