you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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