____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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