You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
