On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
