Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
