one two three fourrrrnication!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
