I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
