I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
