and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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