proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
