Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
