I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
