he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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