i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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