so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
