New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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