I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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