That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
