Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
