You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
