i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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