I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
