Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
