I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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