Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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