I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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