Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
