Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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