yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
