No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
