so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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