At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
