I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
