I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
