On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
