I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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