Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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