OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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