Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
