You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
