i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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