i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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