So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
