He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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