I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
