in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
