I accidentally burped into my bong.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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