Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I didn't notice because vodka
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize