I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
