i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
