Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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