and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
