Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
