I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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