Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize