Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
