Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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