I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
