dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
