im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
