omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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