I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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