do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize