also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
