he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
