we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
