so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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