I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
