Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
