There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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