This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
