walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
