we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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