6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
