If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize