is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
