wanna go halves on a baby?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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