What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
