Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
