is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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