I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
