so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
