sarcasm needs its own font
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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