What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
