You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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