hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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