i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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