if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
