someone threw a dead crab at me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize