He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
