Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
