You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
