So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
