Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
