Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
