And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
