I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
