I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The maid of honor just puked.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
