If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
