TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
did i just pee glitter
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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