he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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