Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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