Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
