Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
