All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
