I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
