so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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