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It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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