remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Life is so much better after having sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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